Friday, December 21, 2007

Gordon Moss announced he likes pepperoni pizza for breakfast

Gordon Moss announced he likes pepperoni pizza for breakfast. "I've eaten it all my life and from this point forward I'll eat it every morning for breakfast. It's got to be good for me or the pizza place up the street would not sell it".

The pizza place up the street would not comment.

For many years people have thought Gordon Moss liked tuna fish sandwiches for breakfast, but with this announcement everything becomes very clear. The chocolate Gordon Moss was allegedly eating for breakfast remains untouched in his sock drawer. Gordon said he usually eats his pizza while he watches the news on TV, but lately he watches cartoons as they are "more enlightening". The cartoons he watched he would not disclose.

Gordon is rumored to eat breakfast wearing one white sock, one orange sock, a rubber body suit, a bow tie, a purple top hat, and lime green pajamas. They also say he likes to do to dance in front of the tv when the commercials come on as he gets his daily exercise that way.

He said he might adopt a cat named "Robert" or a goat named "Billy". He is really up in the air "I'm an undecided voter" Gordon said.

Then, he added "I might just get a goldfish named Jester". Well, no one really knows but Gordon also believes if you put sand under your pillow at night the sand fairy will leave you $100 bill. "That's something I have to try" Gordon said.

Gordon also spends his day reading books on this history of pocket lint, the current penguin shortage in Africa, the number of pounds of whale feces in the south Atlantic which he cited as "unusually high", and also writing short stories about angry dwarfs hell-bent on taking over the world. He said "They are a lot like garden gnomes - only different".

Many people think Gordon is strange considering he one-time walked through Central Park picking up soda can tabs, and likes to drink coffee in the rain - outdoors.

Yet, there is nothing that seems to upset him worse than when the light goes on and off in his fridge as he opens and shuts the door - "That's just disturbing" he said.

His old neighbor said "He's a really nice guy - just a little different". Gordon once went signed up for an all you can eat pizza buffet because the Swedish girl that asked him too was a knock-out. Gordon does not deny this saying "She had nice eyes - and other amazing assets".

Well, while he does like Swedes he insists that Finland got it's named because of the fish part, but no one seems to know why. He says that "fishing is something they do good at - but, they make a great cell phone, too".

Gordon Moss also spends his time donating to charities that really make a difference in the world and was recently named "Man Of The Year" by the Pineapple Jumping Institute. Gordon says "That was indeed a great honor and a truly life changing experience for me. I got a great award, but for the help it gave to children all over the world that had never had an opportunity to jump a pineapple leaves a mark on me".


Look What You Can Do With Barrels Of Cash

Gordon Moss announced on Sunday that he has purchased a $3.75 million dollar ferret farm in southern Alabama. This is a complete working farm complete with - ferrets.

Ferret farming is a lasting tradition in the mind of Gordon Moss who has said "Ferret farming is an unappreciated art form. Only Gordon Moss knows how to really farm ferrets".

The fact is most people do not realize that Gordon Moss is one of the top ferret farmers in the world, and has created a special diet for them - and even a special organic ice cream designed for ferrets on those hot summer days."

"Ferrets have always had a special place in the heart of Gordon Moss" said Gordon Moss. Gordon Moss actually traveled cross country with a small army of 12 ferrets dressed in costume for Halloween six years ago.

Gordon Moss is also a world championship soap carver, and believes Turtle Wax should only be used for turtles. Gordon Moss lives in Michigan on Gordon Moss Blvd.

For more information:

Contact Gordon Moss at 248-624-8912


Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Gordon Moss - I Need An Inflatable Sea Turtle - From Gordon Moss

I, Gordon Moss, need an inflatable sea turtle for a party I, Gordon Moss, am going to throw for my grand-son. He wanted a pony, but he flunked his english test, so he's stuck with having a new kind of party called "Cover the inflatable sea turtle in peanut butter and jelly". That will teach him tof ail. I, Gordon Moss, think this is a great idea. Gordon Moss The World's Greatest Network Marketer

Monday, October 23, 2006

Does Anyone Have A Clue What
The HELL This Guy Is Saying?

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Someone Must Have Lost This Little Guy In Florida

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

This afternoon I was walking down the road when I pass by this giant giraffe on roller skates. He looked angry. He was carrying a baseball bat, and a really big bag of ice. I asked the giraffe where he was going and he said he was going to visit Steve Irwin. I was forced to give the giraffe that Steve Irwin had died. He told me I was wrong and Steve Irwin was living in memphis working as an Elvis impersonator.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Want To See What I Wipe My Ass With?

I wonder if this is the REAL picture of that Hot chick I was talking to on AOL

Gordon Moss's Baby Picture - I Was An Evil Looking Little Bastard

When I Read Something On The Internet I ASK MY MAGIC SOUP SPOON IF IT'S TRUE

The Verdict Is

Anyone Want BEEF JERKY?

I found this searching Google for "Goofy Fucker" - I bet this stupid two-toed sloth bastard sells bags of cured cow-ass to his cagemates for $12 a bag!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

NO CHRISTMAS FOR YOU THIS YEAR YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! - Gordon Moss, The World's Greatest Networker

He Stole Payne Stewarts Hat! I Found This Searching Under Ugly Fucker On The Internet

Is It Just Me Or Does This Dog Look Constipated?

Like I have time to sit around and cut up green shit to glue to my dumb-ass dog? What the hell is wrong with these people? - The World's Greatest Networker - Gordon Moss
Date: Sun, 17 Sep 2006 05:38:04 -0700
From: Add to Address BookAdd to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: RE: Contact Us Requested
It only comes in Mustard & Ketchup, but you could probably add some green felt pieces to make the relish.

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Contact Us Requested
Date: Sat, September 16, 2006 10:08 pm

You have received a contact request from a visitor to your storefront:

E-mail Address:
First Name: Gordon
Last Name: Moss
Phone Number: (248) 624-7517

I have a weiner dog. I was wondering if I could get the hot dog costume in a soft relish? Please advise.

Gordon Moss

Thank you,
The Quick Shopping Cart Team
If you are trying to sell $12 bags
of cured cow-ass and make money
then I think you must be half-retarded.

Gordon Moss
The World's Greatest Networker